And Now, the Paris Hilton Plan?
As if there weren't already enough confusion swirling around the US energy plan, or lack their of, now Paris Hilton, celebutant and well know party girl, has thrown her plan into the ring. In an online video, a swimsuit clad Hilton announced her candidacy for president and suggested an energy plan that combined elements of McCain's offshore oil drilling plan and Barack Obama's incentives for new energy technology. “I want America to know that I'm, like, totally ready to lead,” the sultry, blond heiress cooed to the camera.
“Hey America, I'm Paris Hilton and I'm a celebrity, too. Only I'm not from the olden days and I'm not promising change like that other guy. I'm just hot,” Hilton said, speaking as she reclined in a pool chair in a revealing bathing suit and a pair of pumps. “But then that wrinkly, white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I'm running for president. So thanks for the endorsement white-haired dude.”
Ms. Hilton declared her candidacy on comedian Will Ferrell’s website, Funny or Die. Speaking with a friendly, “fireside chat” sort of intimacy, Paris explained that, since she was now in the presidential race thanks to the “wrinkly, white-haired guy,” she had come up with a solution to the energy crisis. She went on to elaborate on her plan—impressively talking without the use of queue cards or a teleprompter;
Barack wants to focus on new technologies to cut foreign-oil dependency, and McCain wants offshore drilling. Well, why don’t we do a hybrid of both candidates’ ideas? We can do limited offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight, while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. That way, the offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in, which will then create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis solved.
Wow! Can it be true? An airhead, spotlight seeking, slut puppy can actually articulate a better energy policy than the two major party presidential candidates? It certainly seems so. Her plan is to drill off-shore and provide tax incentives for Detroit to start making hybrid cars—two things I fully support. As to the rational for more oil exploration: “The off-shore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in which will then create new jobs and energy independence.” Paris gets it, why can't Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid?
No mention of such dumb ideas as eliminating the federal highway tax (McCain) or opening the nation's emergency oil reserves (Obama). Basically, Hilton says we need to do it all—which sort of fits her personality, now that I think about it. Paris seems to recognize that we still are going to need oil, meaning we need to keep drilling. She doesn't repeat the now hackneyed phrase “this is a crisis we can't drill our way out of,” which even such practical people as T. Boone Pickens couldn't resist.
So far the reaction from the Obama camp has been muted but McCain's spokesperson, Tucker Bounds, has been quoted saying, "sounds like Paris is taking the 'All of the Above' energy approach that John McCain has advocated -- both alternatives and drilling. Perhaps the reality is that Paris has a more substantive energy plan than Barack Obama.” If you can't beat 'em join 'em, John.
Evidently, a number of green blogs have taken Ms. Hilton's remarks seriously enough to try and attack her plan, throwing bogus numbers at her with the same ferocity the treat McCain. They needn't bother as their missives are falling on deaf ears. As one poster on the Christian Science Monitor's Bright Green Blog put it: “Sad thing is this is the best energy policy analysis in easy to understand language I’ve seen online for any canidate…why is that?”
What does it say about America's political leaders, from both sides of the isle, that a silly socialite can clearly outline a plan better than any of our government air heads? I think it means we all need to give our representatives an ear full while they are back home for congress' August break. If you are not convinced listen to Ms. Hilton in her own words...
Maybe it is time for some fresh political thinking. Maybe it is time for some new blood, new leadership. Maybe Paris should run for president. Paris, you have my support—call me, babe.