Crank of the Week - January 26, 2009 - The Mighty Goracle
The Goracle has looked into the future and it ain't good. In the future, he sees temperature changes that “will bring a screeching halt to human civilization and threaten the fabric of life everywhere on the Earth — and this is within this century, if we don't change.” Now that the icky business of selecting a new leader for the most powerful nation on Earth is finally over, it seems that the time is once again right for the gnashing of teeth and renting of garments by that champion of all things green, the patron saint of global warming, the Mighty Goracle himself—Al Gore.
Appearing before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, headed by that revered pinhead of the left, John Kerry, the Goracle opened the Global Warming Comeback Tour, spewing an even greater stream of eco-bovine excreta than his previous Nobel Prize winning onslaught of 2007. Once again the prophet of climate change is claiming that global warming “could completely end human civilization, and it is rushing at us with such speed and force.” What's rushing at us is a load of hooey.
Gore presented the latest version of his climate-change slide show to the senators: a globe with yellow and red blotches, a house falling into water, and ones with obscure titles such as “Warming Impacts Ugandan Coffee Growing Region.” At one point a biblical passage flashed on the screen, but was quickly removed —perhaps he feared being struck down by a bolt of lightning for trying to link God to such dribble. None the less, senators from both sides of the aisle lined up to praise the Goracle, proving that both political parties are clueless.
As noted by Dana Milbank of the Washington Post, the Goracle's powers seem to come from his ability to scare the bejesus out of people: “We must face up to this urgent and unprecedented threat to the existence of our civilization,” Gore said, “this is the most serious challenge the world has ever faced.” Gore went on to praise geothermal energy (“This has great potential; it is not very far off”), dismiss nuclear power (“I have grown skeptical about the degree to which it will expand”) and generally urge the new Obama administration to give away the store at the next round of UN climate talks.
Why are we being subjected to the renewed rantings of this green gasbag? Kerry “wanted to send a message that this is going to be a priority for the committee going forward this year. He wanted to set the tone, set the agenda,” said a committee staffer. “The little snow in Washington does nothing to diminish the reality of the crisis,” Kerry said, totally missing the exquisite irony of hearing attendees having to brave a major winter storm and freezing temperatures to listen to Gore's proclamation of death by temperature increase.
Meanwhile, a new poll by the nonpartisan Pew Research Center reported in the New York Times that global warming came in last among 20 voter concerns. Trailing issues like addressing moral decline and decreasing the influence of lobbyists, only 30% of voters polled deemed global warming to be “a top priority,” compared with 35% in 2008. In a startling reversal of position, “protecting the environment” dropped even more precipitously in the poll: only 41% of voters called it a top priority, compared with 56% last year. In short, the Goracle continues prophesying but few are bothering to listen. Keep on crankin' Al.