Crank of the Week - June 1, 2009 - Lucy

Here is a sure fire, hit concept for a “news” show: life as we know it comes to an end, our civilization crumbles, leaving only ruins and the inane voice-over narration provided by some of the dimmest minds of our time. And to make it seem au courant, make up a main character—call her Lucy—to give voice to utterances even the most fanatical climate change alarmists would blanch at. To keep costs down, make her a waifish comic book cutout in a vaguely manga style. Lucy leads a charmed life, traveling back and forth across America, always arriving at a new destination just in time for the next horrific man-made ecological disaster.

ABC billed Earth 2100: the Final Century of Civilization? as “outlandish, extreme—even impossible.” No kidding. Aside from the pathetic little manga munchkin, ABC trotted out a cast of “some of the world's experts” who warn us that unless we change course, the “perfect storm” of population growth, dwindling resources and climate change has the potential to converge in the next century with catastrophic results. Any one who uses the term “perfect storm,” except to refer to the move or novel of that name, should be institutionalized for terminal lack of imagination. But the reflexive use of such a trite phrase pretty much captures the tone of Earth 2100—it is a poorly done regurgitation of the anthropogenic global warming crowd's liturgy of pending disasters.

Hosted by Bob Woodruff, who's only claim to fame is having survived being blown up in Iraq, this mind numbing cavalcade of catastrophes lasts for an interminable two hours. Presented as an “imagined crisis,” poor Lucy's life unfolds as a device for predicting a miserable, dystopian future, the likes of which even ABC's “experts” would would be hesitant to propose. Quoting from their web site:

The imagined crises in Lucy's futuristic world come in the forms of earthshaking hurricanes spawned by over-reliance on climate-damaging coal and other nonrenewable resources. What if climate change in our world is actually much closer than we think? Many experts say we have to start seriously reducing greenhouse gas emissions by 2015, or we may pass a point of no return.

Among the “experts” are the usual suspects from the climate catastrophe cheering section: Heidi Cullen, the empty headed former Weather Channel girl who makes up for lack of knowledge with heightened sincerity; E. O. Wilson, evolutionary biologist at Harvard University who is on record as preferring ants to people; and Jared Diamond, chronicler of failed ancient civilizations who's knowledge of technology stops at the late neolithic. They even threw in New York Times journalist Thomas Freedman, who has no particular expertise in this area but who greatly enjoys hearing himself talk. This clutch of misanthropic, climate change luminaries do their best to frighten the under educated, the weak minded and little children.

So here you are, ABC, a Crank of the Week for you and all your experts. We are giving the actual award to Lucy, because you didn't have the courage to have a real person spout this nonsense.